Affirmative action was established in order to eliminate discrimination against race, gender, ethnicity, color, religion etc. It is there to protect the rights of all citizens that are considered minorities and to give them equal opportunity. Affirmative action is a very controversial issue because it protects minorities, but many may say that its "reverse discrimination." It is arguable that the same racism that discriminated against minority students, can easily be applied to as the exclusion of white students through affirmative action.It first began with the civil rights movement, when African Americans demanded their rights as citizens of the United States. Today we are all portrayed as equals with the same opportunities to achieve prosperity and happiness.
Affirmative action affects students the most. There are many factors colleges have to take into account, such as high school grades, SAT scores, and extra curricular activities, one of the most important is ethnicity. For example, on college applications they ask your race but they also have a "Do not want to say" option. Students who are considered a minority are more likely to be accepted by a college than non-minority students. Despite their color, why should someone who studies less than you, get ahead and you do not? It should not matter what your background is, the only thing that should matter is how hard of a worker you are and what you have achieved in high school. It is true that racism still exists, but our priority as students is our education, and working hard is something we should be doing in order to succeed. Affirmative action was established to help stop racism and prejudice for minorities, but is it actually reversing its role?
It all started on March 6, 1961, with President John F. Kennedy who published Executive Order 10925, which incorporate a provision that government contractors "take affirmative action to ensure that applicants are employed, and employees are treated during employment, without regard to their race, creed, color, or national origin." President Kennedy's goal with this order was to make sure that the government was keeping its commitment to equal opportunity for all persons and to strengthen the efforts for equal opportunity given to all. Four years later President Lyndon B. Johnson, came out with Executive Order 11246, that prohibited employment discrimination based on race, color, religion, and national origin by those organizations who were receiving federal contracts or subcontracts. Later, President Johnson also added sex to the list.
The University of California also took action in 1995, by applying Executive Order 11246 to their college admissions process and their employment process. They adopted Regents Resolutions SP-1 Section 2, which stated " Effective January 1, 1997, the University of California shall not use race, religion, sex, color, ethnicity, or national origin as criteria for admission to the University or to any program of study." , and SP-2 Section 1 , which stated " Effective January 1, 1996, the University of California shall not use race, religion, sex, color, ethnicity, or national origin as criteria in its employment and contracting practices.
Supporters of Affirmative Action believe that it is a foundational principle of democratic societies that try to correct imbalances, because of misrepresentation of underprivileged sections of society in government institutions, educational institutions and industrial institutions. They saythat these misrepresentations have resulted from hidden, involuntary forms of discrimination that seep into society, especially in the ones that have had a history of racial, ethnic, or sex based discrimination. Discrimination can take many forms, such as stereotypes. For example, women are only good for secretarial and house work, and African Americans are good for entertaining and sports. Other forms of discrimination can be concealed, for example clubs or groups that favor racially equivalent members. Supporters just want to overcome past discrimination and or increase the diversity of students in college. There racial differences when people are asked about their support or opposition of Affirmative Action, and these differences can be seen in the table below.
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ReplyDeleteThoughts
ReplyDelete- You could talk about what’s being done today, like up to date.
- Also your chart at the end, maybe you could explain it.
- You should add more surveys that point out your position in this argument.
- Maybe you can add cases where affirmative action is taken place.
- Maybe you can talk about why people tend to think affirmative action is not necessary.
sry about the other comment had to make changes
1. A. Affirmative Action helping over come discrimination.
ReplyDeleteB. For Affirmative Action.
C. By stating the facts about affirmative action and showing us how many are affected by discrimination.
D. nothing really..
2. She mentions how many students are affected by discrimination when chosen by colleges. Ex. SAT scores, high school grades, etc.
3. I don’t see any counterarguments. You could talk about people who are against affirmative action and why they are.
4. A. You need some opposition statements.
B. Strongest points would be the Executive Orders by the Presidents. They were strong because they show that there were attempts to fix the problems by previous Presidents of the United States.
C. I understand that you are trying to show how students are the most affected by this, but you could show some facts proving how student are really affected. It could be strengthened.
D. The points of the argument are ordered from lest to most from talking about students to how previous Presidents tried to solve this problem to showing a chart about the different races who think that affirmative action is necessary.
E. Using couple of surveys that involve asking different type of people about affirmative action, with quoting their thoughts would be helpful.
F. One counterargument could be why, according to the chart, why so many white people thought affirmative action is not necessary. Then maybe you could show how not using affirmative action could be helpful in a way.
5. “Affirmative action was established in order to eliminate discrimination against race, gender, ethnicity, color, religion etc.”
6. I think it’s pretty straight forward…
7. A. Paragraphing is good, but maybe for your second paragraph where you mention students you could split it into different paragraphs and you could talk about how students are affected ethnicity wise, gender wise, and maybe even religion wise.
B. Topics sentences are straight forward as well and it shows the readers what they are about to read.
C. Transition between paragraphs you could work on a bit. From the second paragraph to the third, you just jump from students to previous Presidents Executive Orders. You could work on that a bit.
D. Your spelling, punctuation and grammar are good.
8. 1. It all started on March 6, 1961, with President John F. Kennedy who published Executive Order 10925, which incorporate a provision that government contractors "take affirmative action to ensure that applicants are employed, and employees are treated during employment, without regard to their race, creed, color, or national origin." (break it down)
- Revision: It all started on March 6, 1961, with President John F. Kennedy who published Executive Order 10925. The order incorporated a provision that government contractors "take affirmative action to ensure that applicants are employed, and employees are treated during employment, without regard to their race, creed, color, or national origin."
2. “It is there to protect the rights of all citizens that are considered minorities and to give them equal opportunity.”
- Revision: It exists to protect the rights of all citizens who are considered minorities to give them equal opportunities.
1A. The effects of affirmative action.
ReplyDeleteB. It seems as if you are against affirmative action, but it is rather unclear which side you are really on because no recognized arguments are made. The introduction is supposed to consist of the thesis, the side you take. Throughout the essay, you state both pros and cons, but never support a side. By supporting a side, you would still state the opposing arguments, but try and deflate them.
C. The introduction "hooked" my attention because it pointed out the discrimination against whites while trying to give rights to minorities. That is usually overlooked.
D. You could improve the introduction by making a clear thesis, choosing a side, and defining what affirmative action is. You cannot assume that we all know what it means. You tell what it was intended to do, but never exactly what it is.
2. In the second paragraph, you state how race is unimportant and should not be regarded in academics. This is opposing affirmative action because minorities should not be accepted into colleges just because of their race. It is the only argumental paragraph.
The rest of the essay is about the history and the concluding paragraph is not very analytical and does nothing to support or argue a side. The last sentence also does not make sense and is confusing to me.
3. No counterarguments are really made. You point out that discrimination can be direct or indirect, but you never tie that in with affirmative action.
4A. You didn't really deal with the oppositions.
B. Your strongest point is your reasearch on the history of affirmative action.
C. Your weakest point is lack of clarity and strong support to a side.
D. There is a point, but it could be argued more effectively. More points should be included for more support.
E. You could state how it could be condescending and depriving of the minority's hardwork.
F. You can google a list of counterargument?
5. Though affirmative action has been supported in the past and believed to have provided opportunities to minorities, it in fact creates more discrimination through [your strongest point here!]
6. "Affirmative action was established to help stop racism and prejudice for minorities, but is it actually reversing its role?" Questions are okay, only if you have a response or answer to it.
7. Reread your essay out loud. That always helps. The last sentence makes no sense to me. At times sentences are confusing, try being more clear.
Ariella Aghalarian
ReplyDelete1. A) This essay will be about the effects of affirmative action.
B) It seems that she is against affirmative action (“why should someone who studies less than you, get ahead and you do not? It should not matter what your background is, the only thing that should matter is how hard of a worker you are and what you have achieved in high school.”) But she does not give her opinion in the introduction, where it should be.
C) She tries to hook our attention by using examples that affected us (ex: getting into college because of our ethnicity)
D) I would write a clearer thesis and make your position noticeable in the intro. Also, the intro. Should have a definition of affirmative action because not all of us know what it is.
2. Arguments
• A student should not be able to get into college just because of his ethnicity
• Affirmative action is reverse racism
3. Counterarguments
• Don’t see any counterarguments
4. A) Doesn’t give counterarguments in order to deal with opposition.
B) Strongest point was how much you showed about the history of affirmative action because your showing how the government deals with it
C) Weakest point is showing your counterarguments because I can’t see what your counterarguments are.
D) I think it works well how you started with its history, then I would write a paragraph on arguments, then a paragraph on counterarguments (while making your side look more appealing)
E) You can say that also affirmative action shows that there is something “wrong” or “different” about the person that it is being applied to and it goes against the “American idea” of equality.
F) A counterargument could be that these minorities already went through so much, and affirmative action is there to help them in at least one aspect of their lives.
5. Affirmative action, especially in schools, is unfairly giving minorities precedence over non-minority groups.
6. Supporters of Affirmative Action believe that it is a foundational principle of democratic societies that try to correct imbalances, because of misrepresentation of underprivileged sections of society in government institutions, educational institutions and industrial institutions. Revision: Supporters of Affirmative Action believe that it is a foundational principle of democratic societies that tries to correct imbalancessuch as the misrepresentation of the underpriviliged in government institutions, educational institutions and industrial institutions.
Affirmative action was established in order to eliminate discrimination against race, gender, ethnicity, color, religion etc. It is there to protect the rights of all citizens that are considered minorities and to give them equal opportunity. Revision: Affirmative action was established to protect the rights of minority citizens. It works toward eliminating discrimination against race, gender, ethnicity, color, religion etc.
7. Just in general work on your sentence structure. Often times, sentences in your essay do not make sense when read, so maybe you should try the “reading out loud advice” so that you can see if it makes sense to you. Other than that and your need for counterarguments (and making your points more clear and precise), your grammar and spelling is good. Also work on your transition sentences ecause sometimes your paragraphs go from talking about one thing to suddenly talking about something else. Try to make it flow better.
1) A. This essay will be about affirmative action and how it encourages ‘reverse racism’ by giving advantages to minorities that those who aren’t.
ReplyDeleteB. I am not really sure because she never clearly states her argument but just based on reading this introduction paragraph it seems she is against affirmative action simply because she goes into minor detail about ‘reverse racism’ and the exclusion of white students.
C. Her third sentence tries to ‘hook’ my attention by using the word controversial to describe the issue. The word in general is very strong and not only demands attention but also makes me curious about the issue, what makes it controversial and what side of the argument the author will take.
D. I would make it more obvious which side of the argument you are taking which may just involve you clearly identifying what is your argument and what is the counterargument you are addressing in your first paragraph. I would also add a little bit more information about the background of affirmative action (maybe with dates, or statistic because numbers make essays more interesting and persuasive).
2. Race, creed, color, national origin, sex, etc. should not determine whether a student is more qualified for college admission. Instead work ethic and drive should be considered in the application process. Non-minority students should not feel that their ethnicity may not grant them a spot at a school because a less qualified minority student would add to the diversity of the university or college in question.
Affirmative action was designed to fight discrimination however stereotypes are ingrained in American society and having laws that require ‘equal’ treatment of all citizens unfortunately do not get rid of them.
3. There is brief mention of how those who support affirmative action do so because it is democratic in that it corrects the misrepresentation of minority groups in government, education and industry.
4) A. I am honestly slightly confused what stance she is taking in this paper and am going to assume she is against affirmative action because she mentions opposition to these laws more than she mentions support for them. Assuming this is true she does not deal very well with the opposition and spends the majority of her essay giving the background on affirmative action laws.
B. factors should most qualify you for college admission. Regardless of color, religion, sex, etc. your work, your work ethic, and your high school record should hold the most weight in determining whether or not you are admissible.
C. Her weakest points are her third and fourth paragraphs because while background information is helpful this essay is saturated with too much history. She does not spend as much time persuading the reader that her stance on this issue is the best and all of this information may cause the reader to lose focus. If she could consolidate all of this information into one paragraph and then dedicate a paragraph to supporting her essay’s argument. I would suggest discussing issues where affirmative action clearly exemplified reverse racism in America and keep the issues current to maintain reader interest.
D. Her points of argument could be better organized. It is hard to follow her train of thought and there aren’t many facts or examples to back up her arguments. Each paragraph should start with a clear and concise sentence that states what issue you will be addressing and how it relates to the general topic of your essay. This would help the reader follow along and know what to look for as they read.
ReplyDeleteE. If the essay is against affirmative action then a viewpoint that might strengthen her argument is that the reverse racism that comes with a. a. is turning whites in America into a minority of sorts. If eliminated it would hopefully lead to a more race-blind society in which people are hired or accepted for what they can do, not what they look like. It also provides a sort of unwanted crutch for minority citizens by making them feel they are only being accepted or hired for their race and the diversity they bring to an institution or industry.
F. She could dedicate a paragraph to counter arguments including the fact that affirmative action does promote a sense of equality amongst American citizens. It gives those who would not necessarily have the opportunity a chance to succeed. A. A. (against common belief) does not break down racial barriers or end discrimination however it does present itself as a decent compensation for slavery and oppression against minority groups in America throughout history.
5. ‘It is arguable that the same racism that discriminated against minority students, can easily be applied to as the exclusion of white students through affirmative action.’
Racism and discrimination against minority students is ever present in today’s society, however affirmative action reverses this discrimination and works against whites by giving minorities more opportunities in America.
6. ‘Today we are all portrayed as equals with the same opportunities to achieve prosperity and happiness.”
All American citizens are portrayed as equals with the same opportunities to achieve prosperity and happiness, when in actuality equality has yet to be reached.
‘Discrimination can take many forms, such as stereotypes. For example, women are only good for secretarial and house work, and African Americans are good for entertaining and sports.’
Discrimination can take on many forms, such as stereotyping – for example: women are only good for secretarial and house work and African-Americans are only good at entertaining and playing sports – which go against the values and intentions of affirmative action.
7. There aren’t very many clear transitions and the conclusion paragraph does not seem to wrap up your arguments or let the reader know that your essay is clearly over. Mention of the graph you have included should maybe come earlier in the last paragraph and you should then write a closing sentence that finalizes your essay. Your thesis statement should be more clearly identified and avoid asking questions unless your intention is to answer them right after they’ve been asked.
Argumentative Research Essay Evaluation Points
ReplyDelete1.
A. Affirmative action
B. Supporting Affirmative action
C. Not sure.
D. The paragraph seems undecided. It states that it's a controversial issue and that some points are arguable. However it doesn't say what arguments are right. It doesn't show clearly what side the writer is on.
2. Race shouldn't affect eligibility. It's based on a person's ability.
3. Doesn't really state.
4.
A. No opposition addressed.
B. Race shouldn't be a factor for school applications. She uses Supreme Court cases to back it up as well as Presidential orders.
C. She discusses possible reform to it which should be elaborated on more.
D. They are organized alright.
E. The court ruling should be mentioned more. There's a case of a med school refusing a white male that was ruled in favor of white male.
F. Discuss Brown vs Board of Ed. This was a major step towards affirmative action because of the idea of segregation back then. It can then be stated that affirmative action is not needed now because there is no segregation anymore.
5.
Affirmative action is undermining the idea of all people being treated equally and needs to be abolished.
6.
Affirmative action was established to help stop racism and prejudice for minorities, but is it actually reversing its role?
When this is stated it sounds like the writer is unsure. Should just say it is and make it a declaration instead of a question.
7. The paper isn't bad. It just seems more like a research paper than an argumentative essay. Two paragraphs are used to explain the background of affirmative action. Try to shorten them and combine them. Those don't need too much detail.
1. Introduction
ReplyDelete- The essay will be about affirmative action
- The writer is against affirmative action
- The writer hooks attention by including a political cartoon, which I’m sure would be considered a racist joke in my old High School. (I know I'm not allowed to say LOL!!... but that was funny on so many levels…)
- Suggestions for improving the introduction:
o State your position clearly.
o Don’t use phrases such as “many may say that…”, “It is arguable that…”, “it is considered to be…” etc. because it weakens the argument. It makes it sound like you don’t really care about the topic or that you don’t believe what you’re saying yourself.
2. Supporting arguments:
- Affirmative action is essentially reverse discrimination
- Everyone should have equal opportunities
3. Counterarguments:
- It is a fundamental principle of democracy to try to correct imbalances and misrepresentation of underprivileged groups. (I thought that was socialism?)
4. .
A. The writer deals poorly with the opposition. She just mentions arguments of the opposition without showing why they are wrong. That’s worse than not mentioning the opposition at all. Also the bit on John F. Kennedy was essentially a point for the opposition… you cant argue against JFK!!
B. Strongest point: Affirmative action is essentially reverse discrimination
C. Weakest point: the essay gives too much background information; its not an argumentative paper.
D. There aren’t many points to begin with.
E. Arguments that you can add:
- Affirmative action diminishes and downplays the accomplishments of minority students
- There is no longer a need for affirmative action
- It creates resentment against minorities
F. Counterarguments:
- All groups don’t really have equal opportunities
- Society would be more stratified if minorities aren’t given opportunities
5. There was no thesis statement. Here’s a suggestion: “Affirmative action no longer serves the purpose it was originally created for; therefore it should be repealed.”
6. “ Despite their color, why should someone who studies less than you, get ahead and you do not?”
Change to: “Why should someone who studies less than you get better opportunities because of their colour?”
“t should not matter what your background is, the only thing that should matter is how hard of a worker you are and what you have achieved in high school. “
Change to: “ Your background shouldn’t matter; what should matter is your hard work and achievement in high school.”
7. You should make major changes to your essay. At the moment, its not an argumentative paper. You should concentrate on WHY affirmative action is bad and not on trivial facts.
1.A) I think this essay will be about affirmative action, with respect to students.
ReplyDeleteB) I don’t think it’s so clear which side the writer is taking. She says that we are all seen as equal and prosperous…
C) The information on when affirmative action began was interesting.
D) I think the writer should clarify what is good and bad about affirmative action. Also, she states what affirmative action helps, but how does it happen? What exactly does affirmative action entail?
2. Affirmative action actually reverses discrimination.
3. Counter-arguments include: Affirmative action corrects any acts of discrimination or prejudices, it is very democratic, gives equal opportunity, those who are pro affirmative action tend to be people that belong to a minority.
4. A) I think that reader dealt very well with stating the opposition, but didn’t really counter the counter-arguments. I was more convinced that affirmative action is good than bad. I’m a little confused which side the writer is on.
B) The writer’s strongest point was explaining why affirmative action was established and how it helps. The chart at the end was very informative and helpful.
C) I think that the weakest point was clarifying which side she took. I think she should make it more obvious.
D) As stated before, I was a little confused which side the write was taking, so to me it just seemed like there was one point for why affirmative action is bad and more for why it is good.
E) I am still not sure if the write is pro or anti affirmative action….??
F) (see above)
5. If she is pro-affirmative action: Affirmative action was established to help eliminate discrimination against minorities.
Is she is anti-affirmative action: Although affirmative action was established to help eliminate discrimination against minorities, it seems to reverse the discrimination.
6. A) "It is arguable that the same racism that discriminated against minority students, can easily be applied to as the exclusion of white students through affirmative action.It first began with the civil rights movement, when African Americans demanded their rights as citizens of the United States." --> I think this is an awkward sentence and should be broken up and written more clearly.
B) "Supporters just want to overcome past discrimination and or increase the diversity of students in college." --> The “and or” doesn’t really make sense.
7. I think you should read over for some spelling errors and watch out for switching tenses.
1
ReplyDelete-This essay will be about affirmative action
-I thinke the writer is taking the side supporting affirmative action
-I think this topic itself is interesting. Since school taught us every one is born equally, so it is very important
to eliminate discrimination in whatever race,gender,ethnicity,color,religion etc.
-Your thesis is not very clear, you need to express your understanding on affirmative action.
2
-Students were affect by ethnicity when they apply college.
-Affirmative action help stop racism and prejudice for minorities.
3
No counterargument...
4
A-Since she did not have any conterargument, so she didn`t deal withthe oppositions.
B-The writer`s strongest point is the reasons for a student to get into a college are how hard of a worker he is and what he have achieved in high school.
Also, the Executive Orders are very help too.
C-weakest point
D-I think the writer organized her argument well.
E-Discrimination rise the rate of crime
-Discrimindation cause people to feel unequal in all sorts of ways.
F-People are not born equal nowdays. Some are born rich, others poor. The gap between wealth has already createn discrimination.
5
Facts and opinion about affirmative action
6
Affirmative action affects students the most. There are many factors colleges have to take into account,
such as high school grades, SAT scores, and extra curricular activities, one of the most important is ethnicity.
7
They [saythat] these misrepresentations have resulted from hidden,....
You should add more argument to support your point of view. Everything else is pretty good.
1-
ReplyDelete-This essay will be about affirmative action
- I don’t think it’s so clear which side the writer is taking. She says that we are all seen as equal and prosperous
-I think this topic itself is interesting. Since school taught us every one is born equally, so it is very important
to eliminate discrimination in whatever race,gender,ethnicity,color,religion
-I would write a clearer thesis and make your position noticeable in the intro
2
-Race shouldn't affect eligibility. It's based on a person's ability.
3
-Counter-arguments include: Affirmative action corrects any acts of discrimination or prejudices, it is very democratic, gives equal opportunity, those who are pro affirmative action tend to be people that belong to a minority.
4
- No opposition addressed.
- Race shouldn't be a factor for school applications. She uses Supreme Court cases to back it up as well as Presidential orders.
- She discusses possible reform to it which should be elaborated on more.
- They are organized alright.
- There's a court case of a med school refusing a white male that was ruled in favor of white male, which the ruling should be mentioned more
- A counterargument could be that these minorities already went through so much, and affirmative action is there to help them in at least one aspect of their lives.
5
There was no thesis statement.
6
Affirmative action was established to help stop racism and prejudice for minorities, but is it actually reversing its role? Could be more clear.
7
Make it more persuasive.
1. A) The essay will be about affirmative action.
ReplyDeleteB) I think the writer is taking the position of against affirmative action.
C) Hooked my attention by presenting a topic that is affecting a lot of people now.
D) I would suggest making the introduction more clear and revised the thesis sentence to give your clear position on the issue.
2. –Students get in to colleges because they are minority despite possible low grades and people who are not minority get rejected despite higher grades.
3. –to create a more democratic and balance society.
4. A) Deal with it okay, but could be better to add one more counterargument.
B) The strong point is that students get accepted despite low grades, because that is the only argument point I found in the essay, maybe add more arguments to support your position.
C) Weak point is that there’s only one point I noticed, so add more argument.
D) I think the third and fourth paragraph can be meshed into one paragraph, because it’s unnecessary to have two paragraphs that are giving too much history of the topic and not enough of your analysis and what you think.
E) You have only briefly mentioned the issue of affirmative action in work places, so could elaborate more on that to make your point.
F) Could be that people are not born into the same social status, so some are born rich and some are born poor, someone that is rich can have education despite he/she is as or less smart as someone who is poor and doesn’t have any good education.
5. Affirmative action is wrong and it does not create an equal society as it claims.
6. “Other forms of discrimination can be concealed, for example clubs or groups that favor racially equivalent members.”
Revised: Other forms of discrimination can be concealed, for example clubs or groups that only accepts members who are of the same race.
7. I think the essay is okay, but I think the introduction can be improved by stating your position more clearly. Also I am confused of your last paragraph, and I think the essay shouldn’t be ended with telling the reader to look at a graph on the bottom.
Jessica You
ReplyDelete1A) I think this essay will be about affirmative discrimination and how it's established to eliminate discrimination.
1B) The writer is taking the position of against the affirmative action, but the starting sentence wasn't clear to prove her point.
1C) About how affirmative actions are actually maybe have some reversed effects, and some kids who want to go to certain schools can be judged because of their race.
1D) Maybe insert the thesis statement at the front of the intro.
2) Arguments to support the thesis:
*Affirmative Action is "reverse discrimination"
*Ethnicity can be a major part of how you get into schools, which is wrong.
3) Counterarguments:
*Doesn't really state any...
4A) Not really any counterarguments to deal with the opposition.
4B) The writer's strongest point was probably President Kennedy's Executive Order 10925.
4C) The writer's weakest point was the counterarguments.
4D) I think it's ok.
4E) It's ok.
4F) Some people who are not completely qualified for the job, or that higher place of learning, are being placed into certain jobs.
5) thesis-statement: Affirmative Action is a very controversial and reverse law that should be abolished.
6) "There are many factors colleges have to take into account, such as high school grades, SAT scores, and extra curricular activities, one of the most important is ethnicity."
[revised] There are many factors colleges have to take into account; such as high school grades, SAT scores, extra curricular activities, and especially ethnicity.
7) Re-check for little grammatical errors.